Monday, April 12, 2010

posting this hours after i wrote it.

have you ever been super torn about something? probably. i'm torn about college. about where to live. about going to class. about what's worth it.

right now, at this very second, it's mostly about what's worth it. is it worth it to go to spanish? we have three weeks left and then finals week. i've skipped every monday for the past month or so. at least since spring break, a few before that too. i just counted all my emails. i've skipped 10 times. i skipped twice last week alone. i know i should go, but it's like, i don't need to. i don't need this credit next semester. but i might need it in the future. i'm not really sure what my grade is at this point. actually... i think we might be finding out today... i think i also need to type up a composition i have to rewrite... anyways. i pretty much have 15 minutes to decide if i want to go. well... i need to leave in 15 minutes. so that means i have to eat and get dressed and do my composition before i go. for some reason i want to keep the tradition going. message sent. now i have about an hour and twenty minutes before i have to leave for ceramics.

ceramics is probably my worst class... at first i really loved it, because it was an escape. but, i'm absolutely horrible at it. like, really. and we were supposed to finish EVERYTHING by yesterday. like, we're not allowed to work on anything new, and for the next four weeks we're only firing everything we've made. and i seriously barely have anything. but whatever. i'm so over that class. maybe i won't go today...

not going to class for a hole day makes me feel so lazy. especially when i totally should and really have no reason. i should have stayed in phoenix for an extra day if i was going to skip class.

right now all of the classes i'm in don't seem worth it. i'm going to community college to get a certificate for photography. i don't need any liberal studies for this, so i'm pretty much starting from scratch. i know photography isn't a great career when it comes to making money, so i need to come up with a plan b (and maybe even a plan c). i know i'll probably only realize what i want to do by taking random classes (like liberal studies) that i don't even need. i'm afraid that i'll find something eventually and have to have a four year degree. then i'll go back to college, and if i pass all of my classes now, i'll only have to go back for three years. if not, i'll have to go back for three and a half. is that really a lot more? is that one semester of classes worth it. and i mean, i'm not going to fail all of my classes. i won't fail math, spanish, band, and... hopefully not the rest. i think i have a c in astronomy right now, but we have an exam this week, and a final (that's not online like everything. it's in class, no notes, no internet...). so... we'll have to see how i do in that class. i could very well keep bringing my grade up only to fail the final and class. i think i'm doing better in animal behavior now. but i don't know how i did.

i should be going to ceramics right now. but i'm talking to danielle watching snl and making a bracelet. fuck ceramics. HA. it starts in nine minutes now. i should be on the bus. but i'm in bed. haha. doing the same exact thing. except now i'm watching chelsea lately.

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