:)

i've kind of become obsessed with blogging. i have all of mine hidden right now, because some of them are a bit too personal for me to share with the world, but lately i've been blogging a lot. sometimes everyday, sometimes multiple times in one day. like today. haha. this is my second one of today, but i feel like i have so much to say. this is how i get everything i am feeling out. this is how i get everything i am thinking out of my head. well, not out of my head, but i feel better about things after i get it all out.

i still have no motivation to do anything. i haven't done any homework, i haven't studied, i haven't cleaned my room (i reeeeally need to). all i can think about is this summer and the next school year. i have five weeks left of school. i really need to get a job. maybe two. maaaybe three. if i can find three... i've already applied to vans online, which would be SOOO cool. i'll probably apply to kohl's too.

i also want to redecorate my room. if i'm going to be living in it for the next year, i really want it to be different. all of my memories from high school are covering the walls in my room. i have many amazing memories from high school, but i have a lot of memories from people i'm not friends with anymore, and am not interesting in being friends with. i would never want to forget them, but i don't want to be reminded of them every time i walk into my room. i might take pictures of these things, but my trash can is definitely going to be full. i've moved on from high school. yes, i still have some really awesome friends now that i kept from high school, but most of the memories on my walls are meaningless. pieces of pap

er and candy wrappers, random things that most people would call trash. i want to take everything off of my walls, paint them, and put a few select things back up. i'll fill all of the empty frames i have with pictures of my friends. i'm getting a new bed (and by bed i mean new mattress. i won't have an actual bed. ha). but i want to make it more than just my bedroom. especially since i've lived here in my dorm for a while and am used to having a microwave and food and a tv in my room. so i think if i get enough money i'm going to buy a tv for my room. i already have a microwave that's mine, but maybe i'll give it to brianna... i probably won't need it. i probably won't have room for it in my bedroom. but i'm definitely going to have to move things and throw away a LOT. and i want to start NOW. i'm so dooone with this room. my dorm that is. haha. it's sooo messy. at least on my side. it's kind of gross.

i need to start on my homework. but i'm procrastinating

SO hard. i have three exams this week. i failed my last animal behavior exam, and i know it mostly has to do with me not having the book (i ordered it but it fell out of the packaging). but a lot of people failed, so my professor gave us an extra credit assignment. he gave it to us a suuuper long time ago. and it's due on tuesday. i planned on doing parts of it everyday until it was due. that didn't happen. at ALL. i have NONE of it done, and it's due in two days. so... i know we only have two more grades that the class is based off of, and the only other grade that i have is an f. i should do the extra credit, but again, i have no motivation. i know that it's probably not going to help me. i checked out the book from the library, and it's due on tuesday. i've read like, one and a half chapters that i'm supposed to read.

i'm behind in all of my classes. not even joking. astronomy, animal behavior, math, spanish, ceramics, and band. my only other class is fitness and condit

ioning, and i hardly ever go. i can't wait for these next five weeks to be over.

last summer was so amazingly awful, that i really can't wait for this summer. i have an awesome group of friends who i consider family who i know i'll see almost everyday.

i started this blog about an hour and a half ago. i cant even focus on writing this. i've been watching america's best dance crew, which isn't even really a good show. i feel like since i got home this morning i've just been sitting here. i wish i had something meaningful and deep to say about it. but, it's just entertaining. it's a marathon. and makes me with i could dance.

halonna was telling me that she wishes she could sing. and she's sad that she can't. that made me sad. because i've finally realized that i can't do everything, and there's nothing wrong with that. sure, watching this show makes me wish i could dance, but i know i can't, and that doesn't make me sad. i know i'm still struggling with confidence, and i always will. but i finally feel like i know who i am and i'm happy with it.

i changed my picture on here and on my facebook to a picture that i took on photobooth. i was trying to find one to show to maggie, and she saw this one and told me it was really pretty. i changed it because i feel like i look really happy. i don't have a huge smile in my lips, but in my eyes, which shows true happiness.