Tuesday, August 31, 2010

move in day = TOMORROW!

i'm sitting here at ccc. it's weird because usually it takes me a while to get used to new places, but i already feel at home here... it's really awesome. i've only been to two classes so far, but the fact that everything is so easy to find and that the classes are so small is super awesome.

my first ever photography class starts in 53 minutes. i'm excited! i don't feel nervous at all, but who knows, i might once the class starts. i've known for a while now that this is what i want to do with my life, but all i've gone off of so far is the talent that i have. i have a nice camera and i really don't even know how to work it to it's full extent!! so, i'm excited to learn and become better and more professional in the photography world. i feel like this semester will either make or break me. i really don't want to take this class and then realize that photography isn't for me because at this point i have NO idea what else i would do with my life. so yeah... i'm being positive!! i need to get my iphoto fixed because i have NO idea what's wrong with it. maybe it's because i never do the updates that it tells me to do... but maybe it's just stupid, i don't know.

i should be reading right now. i can't believe i'm already slacking! kjnkhjntrjkhd.

i'm not sure what else to write. haha, i feel like i've been talking about the same things over and over again in my blog lately. i read a quote earlier in my art 100 class that i reeeally like, so i'll probably write a blog about it soon. i'm going to try not to just spill on every life detail. i think i might make myself a little journal to write in :)

OH. i can't wait to move in TOMORROW :) to have my own private space again!

Monday, August 30, 2010


yay! my first day of my sophomore year is complete! it was actually really awesome and i wasn't nervous at all which is awesome. i went to art appreciation this morning at 8:30!! aaaand i got everything having to do with my schedule all straitened out. i do still need to buy a parking pass and books, but i'll deal with that tomorrow. aaand tomorrow my first class isn't until ONE PM. YESYESYESYES. hahhaha. i'm excited. anyways, after marching band i went over to burger king and filled out paper work. let me tell you: i am finding another job. hahaha, but for now, i guess i'm just glad to have one... right? i'm not sure it'll be enough to support myself though... so yeahhh.

now i'm just sitting here. waiting for it to be tomorrow. haha.

oh, and i would like to talk about money. i pretty much have like, $20 in cash, $13 in my checking account and $15 in target gift cards. my grandparents set up this online chase thing where they can send me money online instead of in the mail. i just got it working, but told them that i'm going to get a new bank account once i get paid for the first time and then i got a call from my grandpa telling me to send him all of my info so he can start one for me... like, it's super nice, but it makes me feel weird! i don't know if that's natural... but i think it might be. i emailed my grandma saying i can open up my own account once i get paid... i don't know... it just feels weird to me and like i would forever be in debt to them, which i don't want to be.

anyways. that's my money situation. i bought $4.50 worth of food at target today. i'm almost out of bread so i'll have to get that soon. but i do have a TON of ramen.

AND ONLY TWO DAYS UNTIL I MOVE IN! it's actually more like one and a half now... but who's counting really?! hahaha. brandon and i already planned for wednesday after practice to move in. tomorrow all i have to do is call the utilities places and have it put in one of our names.


that's what i'm doing :)


today = first day of classes!!! i'm SO excited, it's crazy. i'm nervous... slightly. i'll probably be more nervous when i get to ccc and have no idea where to go or park. crap... i don't have a parking pass! haha. they don't sell them online though... so that's their bad.

anyways. i have art 100 today. ART APPRECIATION. haha :) afterwards i'll be straightening out the rest of my schedule, calling the bk lounge to see when i start working and going to my first official drumline and marching band class! WOO. i'm pretty ecstatic. only two more nights staying with emily and then i get to move into my house toooooooo. i know this is ALL i've been talking about lately, but it's rather exciting news.

it has been weird to not have a place of my own to come home to. emily's place is nice and her roommates are nice, but i feel awkward being here when they aren't... and when her roommates are here, but emily isn't. anyways. ONLY TWO MORE DAYS! when i move in i'll for sure take tons of pictures, i know i haven't posted any pictures in a long time. my iphoto is being dumb though and has been for like, a week now. so i might have to go into the apple store soon because i'm not sure what's wrong. ALSO, i start my first official photography class tomorrow! woooo. i know i've been a photography major for a year now... but taking an actual class just hasn't happened because all of the intro classes are dumb and everyone and their mothers like to take them. so yeah. i can't wait for that!

this week should be super exciting, first day of classes at a new school, a new year of marching band, a new house, a new roommate, a new job, and i get to see my family this weekend!


Sunday, August 29, 2010

band camp = over!

i'm still loving it here in flagstaff, but i'm already starting to feel some stress. things are slightly falling together, but i'm running out of money. i've been spending too much money on food and today i had to buy a new battery for my phone because it finally pooped out on me after dropping it in a puddle a few weeks ago. i also have to finish straightening out my schedule for this semester. i was going to go over to ccc to talk to them, but tj wants me to go to his play today, so i'm going to do that instead. i'll head over to ccc tomorrow morning and try to get everything straightened out.

i can't believe that classes start tomorrow at 8:30!! tlrnhjnhjth. i don't even know where they all are :/ oh well. and i should be starting work tomorrow... hopefully they'll call me soon because my phone is finally back on.

this week should be exciting though! four days until i get to move it :D

Thursday, August 26, 2010


YAYAYAYYAYAYAYYYAYAYAYAY! i have wifi :) i'm totally stealing it from someone, but i don't care! haha.

i really want to go to bed, but i need to do a few things before then, so this will probably be a quick post.

anyways, i am SO happy :) i have to admit, i had my doubts about coming back. i wasn't sure if anything would be the same and i was wondering if i would hate it and want to be in chandler again because usually i want what i don't have... haha. but i still love it here :D i've been going to band camp for the past three days and i'm happy to announce that nau's drumline is actually doing really well this summer :D 8 snares, 5 tenors, 6 basses and 6 cymbals. we started out with 7 cymbals, but one dropped today. BUT i'm happy because he totally and completely sucked. so... YEAH. i also met one of my roommates and he's suuuper cool. i really like him already. i'm sure it'll be awkward to live together at first... but... yeah, whatever. haha. he plays snare, so at least we have something in common, right? anyways, yeah. drumline's been awesome. today was high school stereotype day, so the drummers were the stoner kids. i didn't really doing anything, but seeing everyone act like they were high... was super funny. haha i love my section :) tomorrow i get to wear my fake beta lambda shorts because even though i'm technically not in kkpsi, i'll always be a part of our little group that went through last semester :)

so yeah... long story short, i'm happy here. i love that i left all of the drama in my life behind in chandler. i'm making new friends and also reconnecting with the old. jane is quickly becoming one of my best friends up here. i can't wait until school starts so i can see brianna, maggie and tj more!


HAPPINESS! kejjrhrmnmgh.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


i'm sitting behind the cline library again at nau. haha. i spent the night at maggie's house and she had to be up and gone pretty early, so i left a little before 7 with her. i accidently left my phone in her room and didn't feel like going to get it. only problem: i had plans this morning with some friends and now i'm relying on facebook and i just hope they check it right when they wake up.

anyways, i'm listening to mcm and getting really hyped and excited for nau drumline! :) we have a meeting at 11:30 that i'm waiting for. apparently we have 23 auditioning, which is the same amount as last year, so i'm pretty excited. aaaand, apparently there are two other people auditioning for cymbals with me!! i just hope they aren't better than me... haha i really want to be section leader again. to me that sounds super... conceded maybe? haha i don't know/care at this point. i have so many plans for the line this year that i didn't have last year. so yeah.

yesterday was my first official day back... ish. haha, i had an interview with cracker barrel that was honestly really weird and unorganized on their part. the manager was trying to find something for me to read and kept leaving for like 10 minutes at a time, coming back to tell me she was still looking for whatever she was looking for and leaving and then leaving again... another manager came up to me after an hour to tell me she got sidetracked doing something else and that he would leave my application on my desk and tell her to call me because apparently she liked me, she just had to do something else. so... i don't know what was going on with that.

afterwards i was kind of afraid i wouldn't have anywhere to go until maggie got home at 10:30, but i ended up hanging out with tj and then jane, austin, stephanie, dan, emily, and theresa. it was seriously so much fun :) we went to target to get me pink short shorts. hahaha, when i was rushing for kkpsi i was in the beta lambda class and our nickname for our class was the beta lambda "shawties." haha, so naturally we had to get short shorts. and since i'm not technically a beta lamnda, we thought it would be funny for me to get some and just write, "sam" on the butt but in the same format as their writing is. haha, i had to get a children's extra large, but they fit really well. aaand i left them at jane's! which is sad. i'm waiting for her to wake up so i can go get them.

i have $86 to last me until my first paycheck. i didn't want to spend it all on fast food and stuff like most people get during band camp, so i decided to go to walmart and buy bread and peanut butter so i can make sandwiches. i know it's going to get old pretty fast with eating just peanut butter sandwiches, but at this point, i can't really afford to do much more than that. hopefully my mom will buy me some food when she comes up here for labor day weekend.

anyways, this is pretty long... but i don't really have anything else to do right now besides sit here... i pretty much hate waiting for things like this! i just realized that i bought a huge thing of water from walmart and i totally have a big water bottle... dumb sam. oh well.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

to create is to destroy.

this is so perfect for what i'm trying to do with my life right now. i would have just reblogged it on tumbler, but i haven't really been using tumblr much these days (not that i've used it much ever...). anyways, yeah. i really like this and everything it stands for. i usually don't like trying new things because i'm so comfortable in what i know already. i think i've done the first three parts. i've done something, i've done nothing and i've made a mess (when do i not make messes?). i hope the rest comes soon. i can't wait for everything to start :D

what i'm looking forward to: nau marching band camp, sophomore year, starting a new job, moving into my house.


Saturday, August 21, 2010

super long.

hmhmhmhmmm... it feels like i haven't blogged in forever, even though it's been like, a day and a half. hhaha. anywaysss. not a lot has happened besides helping my stepmom clean and hanging out with her friends from her 40s group. it was kind of boring but really interesting to see all of them and how different they are. there was personalities that ranged from christian girl who loves everything bling and has the biggest boobs i've ever seen and constantly needs attention to atheist, self proclaimed "crunchy" and very out there girl who barely remembered to put on underwear underneath her long flowy, flowery dress. there was a man who has lived in different countries for work and has been successful, but now works at the local walmart stocking shelves at night to support his daughter who he hasn't seen in a few months and won't see until christmas which totally depresses him. then there was the doctor and her husband who works in vegas. there was another girl who looks totally granola and vegan but ate lamb and facebooked while we sat there. then there was my stepmom, who in most groups is the crazy out there one but in this group seemed so normal. and then there was me. just kind of sitting there, observing, speaking when spoken to. it was... a fun night. haha. it kind of reminds me of my different groups of friends and how they all seem so eclectic compared to each other in my mind.

i've been thinking a lot about my future this summer, mostly because that's all i've really been able to do since nothing was happening. i made a lot of decisions this summer, and i've recently acted on a few of them. wednesday was my last day in chandler. i could have waited a bit longer, but i've really enjoyed these past few days in prescott with my stepmom. i used to see her every other weekend for years, so it's been nice to kind of catch up. it's sad though because i've realized that she doesn't really know me as well as i had hoped, but i guess that's kind of my fault for not showing her.

in the past three months since summer started my plans have changed pretty drastically. i came home for the summer thinking that that was it, i was home for good until i could afford to move out to an apartment in chandler. i figured i'd be living there for at least a few years. i started looking for a job so i could afford to visit flagstaff whenever i could. i didn't get a job though and i ended up sitting around because my family of friends started to fall apart. looking back now, we're all so different, even from this winter when we all clicked so well. we've all changed and it's not really a bad thing, but we grew apart and were trying to force ourselves together. i don't really believe that everything happens for a reason, but i don't think this summer was a bad thing. aaanyways, i mentioned the whole friend thing because my plans were to hang out with them everyday. our plans were to see each other all summer and then to go to school at mcc together. then each of us started realizing what we really wanted. i stopped being happy with the decision to stay home and dreamed about going back to nau. i wished that i could make it happen because i didn't want to stay in chandler, go to mcc, and do asu's marching band. it was never my plan and i couldn't understand how that had become what my life was going to be about. then my planned turned into mcc and asu marching band for one year and then back to flagstaff for my junior and senior year. i couldn't stand the thought of staying home though. i made it my goal to move out by second semester.

then one day, i think towards the end of june or early july, i had this realization. i can't stay here. i can't go to mcc. i can't do asu marching band. i can't live at home. it's not what i want, it's not what i ultimately planned my life out to be. this isn't who i want to become, someone who takes the easy way out because things got to hard in the beginning. maybe it's not financially responsible, but chandler has only brought me drama. all of my drama in flagstaff somehow stemmed around chandler, even when i wasn't realizing it.

in july i started researching, i had to figure out how to make my dreams a reality. for so long i never told anybody what i wanted. i've done this my whole life. when i was younger it seemed like every time i told somebody what i wanted to do, my dreams, these dreams never ended up as a reality. and then i'd be sad and then i'd finally be getting over it and then people would ask me about it, ask me how it went. and then i'd feel the pain all over again. so when i was younger i decided not to tell people what i wanted, that way i didn't have to feel the pain that much more. and honestly, last summer i didn't want to go to nau, which is why i told people i did. i wanted to go out of state, out of this life. i'm super lucky that i did go to nau because i absolutely love it there. maybe it's the whole, i want what i don't have thing, but 1st semester, when it was just me and nau, no drumline to go back and forth with, no kkpsi, nothing else, i was in love. in love with my life and in love with flagstaff and nau. 2nd semester did bring me a lot of good memories and friends that i would never take away, but if i had the chance, i might do that semester over again. and i would decide to stay there.

even though i had decided to go back to flagstaff, it still wasn't an actually reality for what seemed like forever. i took me until two weeks before school started to find some place to stay and a job. and before that, i really thought that i wouldn't be able to pull this off. i was waiting for everything to fall into place, and now... it has. i'm still looking for a better job, but for now i'm just happy i have somewhat of a backup. i know the first month will be hard and i'll have to rely on my parents to get me through it, but i'm SO excited to be back up there and even MORE excited for band camp to start :) i have so many ideas for this season and i'm just hoping i'll love it as much as last year.

as for second semester, i'm not really sure what's going to happen. i know i can't have a repeat of last semester, but i also know that i won't not be doing drumline. i know my mom and dad will probably tell me it's not a smart thing to do again financially because it totally took up every single dollar i had. i thought at first that maybe i would just move home, but i signed a nine month lease, so i pretty much have to stay until may. i might decide to take the semester off from school and work more to be able to afford it, but i'm not sure if an in state drumline is worth it. of course i'll be auditioning for the drumlines in state, but i feel like if i'm going to be going down to phoenix every weekend and spending every dollar i have, i might as well go out of state. i know this doesn't make sense because of the lease thing, but i guess i'd have to figure out if i could just find my roommates another roommate. because if i'm going to move out, i might as well go somewhere i've always wanted to... which obviously isn't phoenix or any of it's surrounding cities.

i think i'm going to hold off on saying where i want to go, although i know a lot of people probably know, but this another one of those things that i want SOSOSOSO bad. and it wouldn't be like me to tell the world now, would it? ;) let's just say, i've been thinking about this nonstop for the longest time, and it's my goal to be on this drumline someday. i know i'll have to practice a LOT and work out a LOT and work on my performance a LOT. haha (LOT). anyways, it's totally my dream, and i have been hating this whole being on a different drumline every season thing. i know i should wait probably a year to audition, and money wise, i'll probably have to(and skill wise most likely... hahaha). but... yeah. i'm completely in love with everything about this drumline and i don't even know if i can make it and for so many reasons.

ANYWAYS. i think i'm done with this post, it's super long, super rambly, and i'm sure most people won't read all of it, and i wouldn't blame you because i wouldn't either. hahaha. (i'm more of a visual person, so i like blogs with tons of picture and totally don't read blogs with tons of writing, yet that's pretty much all my blog is).

when i write in parentheses i'm whispering it in my mind (just wanted to put that out there... :D)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

lamest day. ish.

so today... haha not worth it. i called cracker barrel on monday and got an interview and when i told her i didn't live in flagstaff yet she said it was totally fine and to just come in when i move here. i told her it would be as soon as possible, so i came up today. i stayed out super late with randy and trey last night and only got 4 hours of sleep because i thought i would need to go in around 2. i walked into cracker barrel at pretty much exactly 2 (she told me to come at 2...) and guess who wasn't there?! THE HIRING MANAGER WHO TOLD ME TO COME IN WHEN I MOVE UP AROUND 2PM ON WHATEVER DAY THAT HAPPENED TO BE. i guess it's my fault for not calling and actually telling her the exact day i would be coming, but apparently she just decided to go out of town until sunday. the trip wasn't a total bust because i got to hangout with tj for a bit.

it just kind of sucks because the only people i got to say by to were trey, randy and my sister. i guess i'll see everyone soon enough, but it's dumb that i could have waited a few more days...


yeah. not sure what else to say besides when i was driving from flag to prescott i couldn't help but smile the whole way. i can't wait for tuesday :DDD

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


happy birthday to my sister jamie! finally a teenager! haha :)

aaanyways. today has been filled with TONS of packing. my floor is visible!!! i can't believe how real everything is feeling right now :) i pretty much need to leave tomorrow and stay with my dad and stepmom in prescott until band camp starts next tuesday. i'm so excited for everything and to actually have a FOR REALZIE job lined up! haha, it wasn't what i expected, and if my interview with cracker barrel goes well tomorrow i'll for sure take that over burger king :/ oh well, at this point a job is a job! and i'm going to need money to pay for my rent and food. i have like, $70 now from my dad, and i don't think that will last me until my first paycheck... aaanyways, yeah.

bloopppp. i don't know what else to say! haha :)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

"i love. i have loved. i will love."

packing sucks. just thought i'd put that out there. i've been avoiding it for the past two days by watching movies through my netflix two week free trial. haha. i got it two days ago and seriously sat in bed ALL day watching different movies. i watched one really bad one, but all the rest were awesome. i realized by looking through all of the movies they have that i haven't really seen good, classic movies. haha, i don't really care, but it's cool to have seen some of them now. this morning i watched a movie right when i got up. it's not really a classic, or even that great, but one of those movies that just makes you think a lot.

one of my favorites that i've watched though in the past two days was i capture the castle. it's based off the book by dodie smith. i read it a few years ago and it's one of my favorites! i didn't even know that there was a movie. a lot of times i don't like movie adaptations of books, but i reeeally loved this one because it totally stayed true to the book. "i love. i have loved. i will love." these were the last words of the movie, although slightly different from the book, i actually really love this quote. really, they're perfect words. i love right now. i love my family, i love my friends, i love most parts of my life and what i'm choosing to do with it. i have loved. i have loved people, i have loved things, and i've loved my life. things change though, and that's okay. it's okay to not love something that you once loved. and i will love. i will love so many things that i don't right now and things and people i don't even know exist yet.

just thought i'd take a break from packing. my room is slowly but surely becoming less of a mess. it's still super bad now. i drove around with my brother yesterday looking for boxes. i brought a ton home and now just have to fill them. ughhh wish me luck. as much as i want to get out of here is as much as i hate packing. haha. why can't it pack itself?!?!

Monday, August 16, 2010


YAYAYAYAY! hnkjrtdh. i'm SO excited. like, seriously, i've never been this excited! i have an interview with cracker barrel for whenever i move up there! the manager was so understanding of everything and told me just to come in whenever i move up and she'll interview me. so this pretty much means i have to move up there FAST. i haven't even started packing AT ALL! BUT ALSO, i found a place to stay for band camp and until the 1st! i had originally asked someone who had told me so many times before that if i did need a place she would let me stay with her, but i haven't heard back from her since thursday, so i decided it was time to keep looking. thankfully one of my friends named emily is going to take me in!

anyways, it's time to start packing! i just drove around trying to find boxes and it took me a while, but i succeeded! and now i'm super tired, so i might actually take a nap...

whatever. I'M JUST SO EXCITED!

Saturday, August 14, 2010


i know i just posted a blog, but as soon as i finished i went on facebook and saw this. i watched it.


i wish i had a dad like all the dad's in this... someone who i would be head over heals excited to see after not seeing for a while. someone i could run to and jump into his arms for the biggest, longest, most heartfelt hug.

if only, if only.

healthy.nau.cymbals. :)

why is it so incredibly hard to stay healthy in this house? i swear, all we have is processed, super unhealthy food. i know this food is for my brother and sister, both of which of a super high metabolism and are so skinny. but when you have a mom like mine who hates to go grocery shopping the healthy food is eaten up quickly, which leaves all of the bad things for me to eat when i get hungry. i hate the feeling after eating something like this, it's just so horrible.

i can't wait until i move up to flag (nine-ish days!!!) so i can buy my own food and keep healthy things around my house! no more processed food!! i plan to cook a lot and snack on healthy things like fruits and vegetables rather than snack size sausage biscuits (they aren't even that good!). i've gained like, ten pounds since coming home and i DON'T like it AT all. i love my curves, and actually wouldn't mind weighing this much, but a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore and that really bothers me! i would love to be at a size 8 again. i felt so good at that size and most of my jeans are that size... so yeah, it just makes sense :) size 10 isn't bad... but yeah, that just isn't what size the clothes i own are! haha. but i also just feel better when i eat healthier! i guess that's probably a given, but after you are healthy for a while you tend to forget (at least i do...).

i have ten days until band camp starts and i CAN'T WAIT!!! i can't wait to be active again! regkjhnt. i have sooo many plans for band camp and the cymbal line for this year. i absolutely loved my cymbal line from last year, but i don't think any of them are coming back! boo! it's kind of an odd situation because the cymbal line (with the exception of me) is the only section where pretty much everyone has to learn a new instrument (at least at nau). i mean, cymbals aren't really that hard to learn, but it's hard to master it and really be graceful but intense. most people are awkward and dirty when they first start, so hopefully i'll prove myself to be a better teacher this year (if i get the chance again!). last year was such an unexpected but pleasant surprise to be able to teach the cymbal line at nau. i guess it's not really a secret, but nau isn't really known for having an awesome drumline. haha, but i didn't expect to be the head of the line in my first year. i had no idea what i was doing because i had never taught an entire section before, just a few random people at random times. but this year i have a game plan! i also have more experience in playing! in having to teach last year i also really had to separate my mind from what i was playing... i'm not sure if that makes any sense at all, but it was really hard for me to teach what i was doing because it was so natural for me. i had been doing the same moves over and over again that i couldn't really explain how i was doing it. if the other players couldn't just do it by watching me, i would have the hardest time explaining it to them. so i really had to sit there and think about how i was doing things and pretty much reteach my brain how to play. haha, so i guess i wasn't separating, but connecting my mind to my playing!

anyways, i'm excited! i didn't really take many pictures of the line last year, but i plan on changing that for this year! WOO :)

nau cymbals 2010! I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO BE HERE!!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

good days.

today... was such an awesome day :) first off... I SIGNED THE LEASE TO MY NEW HOUSE!!! i blogged about it last night, but it's such a super awesome thing!!! i was shaking as i signed the lease! haha.

after i did that i got in my car and tried to find cracker barrel. i saw online that they were hiring so i wanted to head there first. aaannddd... i got lost. i ended up on the freeway not knowing where i was. i made it back into town and decided to try again and... did the same exact thing. :/ i was very discouraged, but trey texted me and that totally made me feel better :) i decided to go to the mall and see if anywhere was hiring there, but i had no luck. just as i was feeling the urge to give up, tj asked if i wanted to get lunch. i knew i needed to focus on looking for a job, but i couldn't help but say yes. it was awesome though because he took me to a few places after lunch (including cracker barrel, haha). while we were on our way there, burger king called me! haha, i applied a few weeks ago online thinking nothing would come of it, like all online applications. anyways, they asked if i could come in for an interview 30 minutes from then, so i did! burger king isn't really my ideal place to work, but it's honestly better than nothing and will pay for an apartment! after that i applied to a few more places and was given an r&b cd by this kid standing outside of peter piper. he wanted me to listen to it and text the number on the cd with my feedback. haha. i listened to it for a bit... it was... all right. hahahaha. anyways, i brought my application to cracker barrel and the manager told me to call her on monday! which is super exciting because i would MUCH rather work there than burger king...

BUT, it was still an awesome day, minus like, 30 minutes when i was lost. haha.

i can't wait to be in flag :DDDDD

Thursday, August 12, 2010


TOMORROW! i'm signing the lease to my hooooouuuuuuuuussssssseeeeeeeee. AH. it's SO cute. and toootally the least expensive thing i've found that's not in flagstaff's worst neighborhoods! i found it on craigslist (and it's not a scam!) and it's only $1150 a month. it's super small, but has three bedrooms and one bathroom! woo. and it's only 1.9 miles from campus! it's right next to the train, which some people might find annoying but i think is so totally amazing :) i can't wait to just watch for it and take pictures of it. the yard is super small which awesome because then i won't really have to do much with it and it has these amazing flowers that look like sunflowers but smaller... i can't remember what they're called right now. ANYWAYS, i can pretty much guarantee that there will always be flowers fresh flowers on the counter. yeahyeahyeahhhh. i can't wait. the kitchen has cute yellow walls that will just match so perfectly :)

so tomorrow i'm going back up to flag (i'm in prescott right now) to pay the holding fee, sign the lease, and LOOK FOR A JOB! i'm meeting the lady at starbucks to sign the lease so i'll probably just park there and walk around to the surrounding places. if i don't find anything there then i'll go to the mall area. seriously, i'm not going to stop until i get me a job.

i also need to find someone to stay with for like, 8 days. which... is not too long, but kind of. the first five days will be during band camp and then hopefully after that i won't have to bug whoever i'm staying with too much because of school and work (fingers crossed). my parents will have to help me pay for the deposit and first month of rent, so i would really like to pay them back for that as soon as possible and start working as soon as possible.

so yeah... exciting exciting stuff! jhnjknrh. i cannot wait at all to get back up there and get home to start packing. and then i can't wait for BAND CAMP! AH! it starts sooo soon. i have 12 days! so i guess i'll have to pack all my stuff but then have like, 8 days or so worth of things to hold me off until i can get my stuff up here. i guess the move in date is a little obnoxious because it's on the wednesday after school starts... but whatever. haha,


Wednesday, August 11, 2010


it's funny to me how important facebook has become in the lives of everyone around me. i've been trying not to focus on it so much. it's not the first thing i check every morning. i don't tell it and everyone on it everything i'm doing. i keep people updated on some issues, but i haven't been updating as regular as usual, and i don't sit there and look through my wall to see what everyone is saying. my mom will sit there and ask me, "did you see my status? did you see what scott posted? did you see what tina said on my status?" and usually my answer is, "no." and oddly, she usually seems slightly disappointed. i've been focusing on other things. so the fact that so much drama has happened over facebook in past couple days, it just makes me really question what the lives of the ones around me has really come to. just because you deleted me off of facebook doesn't mean anything. i haven't changed, i'm not disappointed in myself. but yes, i am disappointed in the fact that has become such a huge thing to these people that deleting someone off of facebook equals deleting them out of your life. and honestly, the whole situation is dumb because i can't get away from it. i can't just leave and forget about it because these people are almost family to me.

but honestly, i don't care. i'll be gone soon and i don't want to take any of this with me. hopefully when i'm there i won't have time to get on facebook, and i can't wait until that happens.

i've lost so much respect for the people that are involved in this. last night i felt bad, but now i can see that i did nothing wrong. all i did was try to help and none of that was seen or recognized by the two people who need it most. it's maddening to see people who are so off base from reality. so i'm not going to do anything anymore. i will live and let live. and i'll help people who want my help instead of wasting hours on a note to someone who doesn't even care. i deserve more than that. i'm worth more than that, and i'm moving onto bigger and better things. facebook and people who care about nothing else mean little to me now.

that... is all.

"remarkable people are all minorities in a world of average living."

if you don't know my best friend, you're seriously missing out. she inspires me everyday by the little things she does, but today i've really just started to understand how much she's really done for me. we talk all the time about happiness and what it takes to achieve it. we talk about our futures, but mostly about the present, because after all, it's called the present for a reason. and lately we've both began to realize what a gift right now is. anyways, i just read this http://blackandbows.blogspot.com/2010/08/rules-and-goals.html from her blog and i am SO inspired by her list of goals. so, because i'm feeling so inspired right now, i'm making my own list of goals. and because in two weeks time i need to be moving, i decided to make a list specifically for this time:

1. clean my room - my room is a disaster right now. there are clothes all over the floor, projects that i've completed and some that i've only started scattered everywhere, and stuff that i just haven't unpacked from when i moved back home. i need to get rid of probably close to half of my clothes because i honestly don't need or like any of them!

2. clean my car - my car is unfortunately in the same condition as my room, and just as bad.

3. go back to flag - i need to visit flagstaff one last time to really get things going. my dad said he might be able to go with me this thursday. i have two places i want to look at, an apartment and a townhome, the apartment being slightly more expensive than the townhome.

4. get a job - i certainly need one.

5. pack all of my stuff - aaaand...

6. move to flagstaff!!!! - could you believe i had four people ask to be my roommate today? i could only say yes to one :/ i kind of feel awful. anyways, this needs to happen!!!

7. stop obsessing over things and people that don't matter - realize who matters to me the most. and realize who is worth my time and advice.

8. be more compassionate - the biggest (next to getting an apartment and job... hahaha). love people for who they are. help everyone who needs your help. know that it's okay to be compassionate for people you don't really care for. it's different. but most importantly, just love. love others and love yourself. i know maybe tonight i haven't shown complete compassion for everyone, but i'm trying to change that. i honestly feel bad about the drama that has gone on tonight, and in all honesty i would take back some words if i had the opportunity to. with that said, i can't and will take this as a life lesson, and hope that all involved will too.

9. be remarkable

i'm so excited about everything that's going on in my life. i'm moving on and out of this city. chandler has done a lot for me throughout my life, and even when i thought it couldn't bring me much else, it did. i've gained the bestest friend i could ever ask for and i've learned a lot about life. i've truly been inspired this summer to live my life to the fullest and never do what makes me unhappy. i know that probably isn't possible, to never have to do something that will make me unhappy, but if i set that as my goal, even if i don't achieve it, i'll be so much better off. i might be making a dumb decision by moving out when i don't have a job or money, but i'm going to make it work, and i'm going to be happy.

for as many life lessons i've learned in chandler, i have also had bad experiences. this city has had so much drama for me, and thinking about the drama that happened it flagstaff for me, all of it stemmed back to chandler. mike: from chandler, ex girlfriend who he wasn't over lived in chandler and was best friends with my ex best friend. stress from second semester: caused from me going home way too much and not focusing on school.

so, chandler, i will miss you for the lessons i've learned and for the family and friends i will be leaving behind. but i will take all of this with me when i leave here, i will take all of it with me in spirit.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


i write too much in this blog. haha, WHATEVS.

i feel like today is the first day i've actually made progress. even though i'm really not closer to having an apartment or a job yet... it took me until today to really figure out what i needed to do to come closer. i'm changing my schedule to get a job so i can pay for an apartment, i found the rooms & shares part of craigslist that shows people who have apartments and are looking for roommates. i emailed a few, some who are looking for one roommate and some who are looking for two. i really want to make it work with lucia (the roommate i'm trying to work with now...), but if worst comes to worst, i'll find someone else and help her find someone else too. i just emailed one girl with a ton of information about a room that's only $385 a month... which sounds really awesome to me. she posted the ad a few days ago, so hopefully she'll respond.

i feel like i have to get all of this squared away today other wise i won't have a place to live. rgkjesnht.

and now i'm looking for a three bedroom. spencer had a friend looking for a roommate, so i am now taking on another roommate! nrgkjen. i'm actually kind of excited because he's also doing marching band and he's not just some random person. but... i've called a few places and so far none of them have 3 bedrooms.


everything is falling... apart.

sooo... serngjksnht. i posted yesterday about how everything was falling in place. and now it's falling so terribly out of place.

i didn't get the job because i'm not available at the right times. i tried to switch around my schedule and now i have an online class and an 8:30 class. i thought i switched a different one... but i didn't so i also have a night class two nights a week and a mid afternoon class. so it doesn't help me AT ALL for the job because i need to be open 2-9pm on week days and i'm not. i thought i was opening that up, but it didn't at all. so now i'm trying to add a psychology class that's in the morning and take that instead of drawing 1 so that i only have one mid afternoon class on tuesdays and thursday and hopefully will be able to get a job for monday wednesday and friday. if not, at least i'll be available for other jobs.

now their website is taking freaking forever and no one at ccc will answer my calls and when they do they don't know how to help me. how hard is it to tell someone how to prove they have an ap credit from high school? i asked if i could just send in my high transcripts and she said yes, then i called back to see if i could do my nau transcripts because it says i have that credit on there. then she said oh wait, i miss informed you about the high school transcripts, you can't send those in, but you can send in your sat scores... no lady, i want to send you my nau transcripts. so then she transfers me and then that line doesn't answer... THIS ISN'T THAT HARD WHAT THE EFF.

now i'm looking for another apartment and i only have TWO WEEKS until band camp starts and i need to be living in flagstaff.

i was about to go to bed when i decided to cut my bangs. haha, BUT, I LOVE THEM. they're pretty much what i've ALWAYS wanted from bangs. i've been working my way slowly towards by cutting little by little and tonight i just decided to go for it and take the extra inch off that i needed for them to be perfeeect. i never thought i could pull them off, and maybe i don't... but i don't care! haha. so then i wanted to take pictures and i decided i was bored of the effects i have on my photobooth. i downloaded a ton a long time ago, but i was bored with them. so i googled photobooth effects and found this!! i downloaded the q@mera and dotmatrix (free versions). i thought it wouldn't save the pictures (i found out it does, but in your finder so you have to search for them. haha), so i screen shotted them (and thought i was being super clever...). anyways. i took TONS of pictures and wanted to share :)

Monday, August 9, 2010

flagstaff :)

so... things are coming together! and i couldn't be more excited! well... i could be, and will be when things are done with! haha. i'm in the middle of applying to get an apartment and getting a job. i found an apartment that i like, but it's a bit more than i wanted to spend. but, it's not far from nau and it's pretty nice and my roommate is down for everything that's happening! i thought at first that she wasn't completely sure if she would be able to pay for things, but she totally is! i already sent in the application and now i just have to wait until morning to call and figure out how to pay for it. haha. so... i hope that goes through. on the job end, i applied to a lot of places, but one place i actually just gave a resume to. the girl working there told me to email the owner so i did. he responding telling me to call, and when i called he actually remembered me and asked me a few questions. i was trying to make it formal, but he made it very casual which was super nice. he told me to send him my school schedule so he can figure out if i'm available at the right times and told me he'd call me back by friday but if he doesn't to call him back. which sounds promising!

i figured out that to afford rent, utilities, food, gas, and a little bit of fun money, i need to work 32 hours a week making at least 8/hr. i'm not sure how much this job will pay if i get it... but that seems pretty reasonable... i'm trying to figure out a schedule that i'll have to stick to, which i know will probably be hard for me, but i HAVE to make this work.

i know my last post was super depressing, but it was hard for me to be in flagstaff and not have a place to call my own. i also have a really hard time asking people for help when i really need it. my friend austin offered probably 10 times to let me stay with him, and then when it came down to it, i had the hardest time asking him if i could. it ended up being me, him, tj and austin's roommate. we watched tv, played card games, and a game called cricket... not like, the sport cricket, but like, the freaking SCARIEST game of my life. it's kind of like intense hide and go seek. and... i pretty much hated it. even though in the end, it was pretty fun :)

i really had an amazing time this weekend, it was so motivating to just drive around and remember how much i love it there and to have so many people there that love me and would do anything for me. i ended up spending more time with my friends than looking for jobs and apartments, but it was worth it, because i feel like i actually did get things accomplished.

so i guess the next time i go up to flag, i'll be moving up there! i really hope everything with the job and the apartment go smoothly, because i need both! i feel like things are falling into place, but i really don't want to speak too soon...

anyways. I'M EXCITED. ekrjgnjhnt.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


i'm in flagstaff right now. it's probably been one of the most eventful trips up here... and most unproductive. haha. i came up here thinking that all of the apartments i wanted to look at would be open and... i was wrong. haha, i slept through my alarm on saturday and got a late start and didn't make it up here until most of them were closed. so i decided to stay until sunday and look because all of their websites said they were open sundays. WRONG. none of them were. i ended up driving around the entire city multiple times and not getting much done. i did apply to a grocery store (the first to give me an actual paper application) and i went to a few other places to see if they were hiring.

it's been really weird emotionally for me though. i love being back here and seeing everyone, but last night i didn't have a place to stay until 11:30 pm, and not it's 8:30 and i technically don't have a place to stay. my mom told me to stay because she can't afford to have me drive back and forth again. i hung out with a ton of people today and then we departed and i had absolutely nothing to do. right now i'm sitting in my car behind cline library using the wifi. and another car totally just pulled up next to me... creepy...

anyways. i feel pathetic because i feel like i'm intruding on people who have offered me a place to stay for the night and actually are encouraging me to stay. i'm waiting to go over to austin's because he's not there, even though i know he would probably get there in a second or invite me to do whatever he's doing now. but tj will be there after his rehearsal, so i said i'd wait. and now... yeah. i'm not sure what to do. i have 51 minutes left on my laptop, which really means about 30.

i feel... stressed. pathetic. frustrated. scared. happy. sad. bored.

everything. i know when tomorrow comes i need to act fast and get things done. but... i have a feeling i won't. i really wish someone would just be here to help me, but i guess that's what being an adult is about. i made the adult decision to move back here, and now i have to be an adult and find a way to make it happen. if only it were a tad easier...

my roommate is at camp. i think she's supposed to be back tomorrow, but it's so stressful because she's not moving here until october, which really isn't for sure because she's depending on her grandfather's house selling, which... might not happen. and i really can't afford to live on my own. at all. nor do i want to. because i'm a scaredy cat... haha.

anyways, i emailed someone else about possibly rooming together. i don't know if he'll say yes because he has another possible roommate.

rngkjnh. so yeah. my pathetic life. so awesome. i have friends and am too scared to ask them for things. GO ME! :(

i'll probably sit here for a bit longer before i go venturing off into unknown flagstaff land.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

100th post.

100 days ago it was april 26. the last week of school before finals week, and i couldn't wait to be done with nau and go home. i wrote three blogs that day. the first one talking about this quote: "the clock is running. make the most of today. time waits for no man. yesterday is history. tomorrow is a mystery. today is a gift. that's why it is called the present." i wrote about how i wasn't living in the present, but in the future. my next blog that day was inspired by danielle's serendipitous saturdays and i wrote about all the things i loved at the moment. my last post of the day was a list of everything i wanted to do this summer. i pretty much didn't accomplish anything on my list... haha. anyways, since then i've learned a lot about life.

life doesn't happen to you, it happens from you. one of the biggest and most important lessons i've learned in the past 100 days. and really in my entire life. it's something my mom's boyfriend scott talked about and after thinking about it, i really couldn't agree more. i've gone through life hoping that things would be easy and hoping i could just wait for opportunities to present themselves to me. and so far, all that's gotten me... is nothing.

i've also learned a lot about what it means to be mature. i haven't learned this from just one person, but from many. i've learned that most people who say they're mature really aren't, and that the true meaning of maturity isn't just saying you are, but really showing it. maturity is knowing when you are in the fault, knowing how to take advice from other people, knowing when to just stop talking and knowing yourself well enough to be yourself no matter what. it takes maturity to really respect other people and to understand where other people come from and to know that you're not the only one in the world. it takes true maturity to really hear people for what they are saying. maturity is letting people in your life, letting them help you, and loving them for every part of them.

the value of a dollar. that's something i've really had to deal with over the past 100 days. because i haven't had any money the past 100 days. not being able to do something because i don't have money isn't something i want to deal with my whole life. i've gained so much respect for my mom and for everyone who saves their money in order to really enjoy things.

i'm learning to live for myself and not anyone else, but that helping people is really something i love. happiness is biggest thing i've learned to strive for.

i've learned to not judge, and if i have judged to be open minded that maybe things aren't exactly how they seem.

i've learned a lot, way more than i could ever write about in a blog.

100 days from now it will be november 12. in the next 100 days i will be moving to flagstaff, getting a job, starting school, and moving on with my life.

in 100 days i will be living my life. i will be living in the now. and i really hope i will be happy. i hope i learn as many lessons as i have in the past 100 days.

i have high hopes for the next 100 days.

haha, in my blog it says i only have 93 posts, but i have some that i've never finished and never posted. i still count them. DON'T BE FOOLED!! :)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

sitting. waiting. wishing.

i can't wait for my life to... start. i feel like i'm at a stand still right now. waiting for things to start.

how am i suppose to live in the now when now i have nothing? i mean, i don't have nothing, but i don't have what i want. i'm stuck here until i can move to flagstaff and i don't know what to do. i have nothing to do. my mom just got a job, so i spend my days alone. yesterday i paper mached, which was pretty fun, but today i sat here. i sat here and did nothing.

i have high hopes for my future. i just can't wait for it to finally START.