Thursday, April 15, 2010

don't think or judge, just listen.

i know i overreact sometimes. and i make decisions too quickly.

i guess i fixed everything with my boyfriend. i'm going to stick out the next three weeks to see what the summer brings for us. i realized i was just super scared and my reaction was to breakup with him. he's the first guy who has been this honest with me, and told me how much he likes me. and that scares me.

but any guy who after being broken up with tells me that he doesn't know what to do and that that's not what he wants and lets me explain everything (yes, EVERYTHING) i was feeling and thinking to him, isn't just some dumb guy who doesn't care.

we worked everything out. we didn't say that we were starting over, but i kind of feel like we are. it's still a bit awkward for us, but i'm glad to be having this second chance.

i feel so much better. i went to animal behavior. actually paid attention for the most part. we're learning about learning behaviors, and a lot of it is stuff i learned in psychology, so i actually understand what's going on! it rocks :)

i will make the rest of this semester happen. so i can go home to my family, friends, and andrew :]

as i was just trying to come up with a title for this post, i thought of the title of my blog. "don't think or judge, just listen." it's a quote from the book just listen by sarah dessen. and i absolutely love the quote. it means so much to not think about what you're doing, not to judge the situation, just to listen to your heart and do what you want. when i read the book the first time, i loved this quote, but didn't fully understand it. and after reading it three more times and learning what it is to trust people and to know what it is to do what i want, not because i have thought about it countless times, not because i think other people will like the decisions i make, but because i truly want to do it.

i listened to my heart, and from the very beginning of the note i wrote to when i sent it and kept talking to andrew, i knew i wasn't listening to my heart. and when i finally just listened, i realized that leaving him isn't truly want i wanted. i thought about it too much, i judged it too much. i didn't listen to myself.

i've heard myself now.

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