depression.

depression runs in my family and through my blood. i can't help but feel depressed right now.

i had such a good week last week academic wise. it's only tuesday and i've skipped 5/8 of my classes this week. i can't seem to stop.

i want to break up with my boyfriend. i know he's cheated on his past girlfriends. and he me he likes me more than the rest, he tells me he can see himself falling in love with me, he says it makes him so mad that he can't see me everyday (not for four weeks) but he doesn't talk to me all day. i don't want to break up with him while i'm still up here because i want to do it in person. i know i'm leading him on... maybe. it seems like he says he's super serious, but then he actually isn't. i've barely talked to him at all since i've been back up here.

tj also depresses me. i know he doesn't try to. but he tells me a lot how he doesn't want me to leave him. and the fact that i'm going to in four weeks depressed me hardcore. and i don't get to see him enough. i had two opportunities to see him today though... i didn't take either of those opportunities.

i want so badly to cry right now. i have 24 days left here. half of me wants to make the best of it, the other half just wants to leave now.

i don't know what to do about anything. i keep skipping class, which i know is only going to make me fall farther behind.

oh, and my room is a mess. like, i do EVERYTHING on my bed. and it's getting kind of bad.

i was thinking about what everything would be like if i didn't do breakthrough. probably super different.