made.

i'm watching made right now. it's a new episode, but i remember watching made when i was in high school and even junior high. i remember always wanted the courage to go on a show like made. i wanted to change myself drastically, or try something completely new, just to see if i would realize something i loved. most people on the show either want to be a model (what i'm watching now), or a beauty queen, or prom queen. most want to play sports, or be a cheerleader or a singer.

i think one of the things that made me really like the show was how happy and confident everyone seemed to be towards the end of the show, and yeah, they had to do things along the way they didn't want to, but they were always satisfied in the end, even if they didn't make the team or win homecoming queen. everyone always benefited, and i was jealous that even if they didn't accomplished what they set out to do, they were still so happy. i've always wanted to just be immersed into something like that.

as of now, i want to be a photographer. watching this show makes me wish i had gone on made to be a photographer when i was in high school. it seems like it would have been so much fun and sooo worth it. but, that's just a dream. i don't really like to dwell on the past, but think about my future. made somehow makes me think of both, which is kind of weird... haha.

i told my grandma that i decided not to come back to nau so i could get a certificate for photography from a community college. i thought she would be upset with me, because she has so many plans for me, but she surprisingly had a lot of very helpful words that didn't offend me at all. i think i'm realizing that unless i become a very famous photographer, i'm not going to make my living off of this. i want to explore every aspect of photography there is. i want to do portraits, weddings, landscapes and fashion.

but i know i'll probably need something else to make the majority of my income. right now i'm thinking possibly something psychology related. i'm not sure though. i'm just trying to relax and take things how they come. i don't have to figure everything out now. i have time :]