frustration.

i'm in flagstaff right now. it's probably been one of the most eventful trips up here... and most unproductive. haha. i came up here thinking that all of the apartments i wanted to look at would be open and... i was wrong. haha, i slept through my alarm on saturday and got a late start and didn't make it up here until most of them were closed. so i decided to stay until sunday and look because all of their websites said they were open sundays. WRONG. none of them were. i ended up driving around the entire city multiple times and not getting much done. i did apply to a grocery store (the first to give me an actual paper application) and i went to a few other places to see if they were hiring.

it's been really weird emotionally for me though. i love being back here and seeing everyone, but last night i didn't have a place to stay until 11:30 pm, and not it's 8:30 and i technically don't have a place to stay. my mom told me to stay because she can't afford to have me drive back and forth again. i hung out with a ton of people today and then we departed and i had absolutely nothing to do. right now i'm sitting in my car behind cline library using the wifi. and another car totally just pulled up next to me... creepy...

anyways. i feel pathetic because i feel like i'm intruding on people who have offered me a place to stay for the night and actually are encouraging me to stay. i'm waiting to go over to austin's because he's not there, even though i know he would probably get there in a second or invite me to do whatever he's doing now. but tj will be there after his rehearsal, so i said i'd wait. and now... yeah. i'm not sure what to do. i have 51 minutes left on my laptop, which really means about 30.

i feel... stressed. pathetic. frustrated. scared. happy. sad. bored.

everything. i know when tomorrow comes i need to act fast and get things done. but... i have a feeling i won't. i really wish someone would just be here to help me, but i guess that's what being an adult is about. i made the adult decision to move back here, and now i have to be an adult and find a way to make it happen. if only it were a tad easier...

my roommate is at camp. i think she's supposed to be back tomorrow, but it's so stressful because she's not moving here until october, which really isn't for sure because she's depending on her grandfather's house selling, which... might not happen. and i really can't afford to live on my own. at all. nor do i want to. because i'm a scaredy cat... haha.

anyways, i emailed someone else about possibly rooming together. i don't know if he'll say yes because he has another possible roommate.

rngkjnh. so yeah. my pathetic life. so awesome. i have friends and am too scared to ask them for things. GO ME! :(

i'll probably sit here for a bit longer before i go venturing off into unknown flagstaff land.