Tuesday, May 11, 2010

i want to feel... intense emotions. the last truly intense emotion i felt was stress. i want to feel overly emotional. because then maybe i'll be inspired to do something with my life.

the day i was completely stressed out made me do something. it made me realize that i need to have time for myself. this is why i dropped kkpsi, why i started relaxing more and figuring out my dreams. now i feel like i've taken the relaxation to a maximum, but i can't move past it. i'm so bored, i'm so over it. but i can't seem to stop lounging around and getting out of doing stuff.

i want to feel happy. so happy that i can't ever stop smiling. so happy that i make other people happy by just being around me. i've felt this before... first semester of my freshmen year of college. i don't know when i'll feel it again. it's not that i'm not unhappy. i just want that strong, uncontrollable feeling.

it can be of anything. sadness. i haven't felt that in a while. but when i do, i'm inspired to do things. do things that will make me happy again.

maybe uncontrollably in love. with my boyfriend maybe? with my friends? with my family? with life? with chandler? with school? well, the chandler will probably never happen, and i do absolutely love most of my friends. haha. but still.

i just want to feel.

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