?

i'm in a weird mood right now. and i guess i'm really just questioning society at this point.

a few minutes ago i got a call from the vp of kkpsi. he asked me if i was interested in rushing, i said yes. he then told me that tj can't be my big brother.

mind. fucked.

i didn't even know what to say. it got really awkward and me just kind of being like, "nknkhjthjsnkb."

needless to say, i have no idea what to do anymore.

who/what creates these rules that say only active members of the fraternity can be bigs? who even came up with active verses conditional? WHO EVEN MADE UP DAMN FRATERNITIES?!?!

this is why i'm questioning society and all of the rules that have been created. it's so weird to me.

i don't even want to go into detail because my thoughts aren't even forming words.

i just... don't know. i don't know anymore.

i don't want another big.

i know that's not what rushing is about, and the vp, ruben, told me that. he said that if i'm serious about being in the fraternity it shouldn't matter. and really it shouldn't. tj will always be my friend and i can always still hang out with him.

but it does matter. it matters to me. being in this particular fraternity shouldn't be about the social aspect, but that's a huge part of it. there are only so many service events to take your mind off of the social aspects.

i only want tj as a big. no one else. i don't even know who else they could give me because they're not supposed to give you someone you already know, and i know a lot of people.

lhnrjsnhjknthdn,mhh. i'm so confused right now :(