always learning.

i haven't blogged in a while, and i don't really have much to write about. but i would like to say that i am so incredibly thankful to be where i am. over the summer i was kind of experiencing the whole, want what you don't/can't have thing. so when i decided to go back to flagstaff i had this secret fear that i would completely hate it when i got back and that it would have all been for nothing. but since being back i haven't regretted anything. i feel so happy about 95% of the time, it's crazy. i've gotten to see all of my friends from last year, i've even made some new ones. i miss my friends from chandler, but i know who means the most to me.

i'm constantly learning who my true friends are. i've posted so many times in the past about how i've seen the light and know who my friends are now. but really, i learn everyday who in my life deserves to be there. and some days some people are in my life, and some days they aren't. i was also afraid to come up here because i knew this semester wouldn't be like last year. and i was right. this semester is nothing like my first semester at nau, it's better. i'm still learning new things everyday and i feel happier all the time. i have some amazing people in my life who would do anything for me - and have.

i'm thankful for a lot of people but i'm mostly thankful for tj. i've never had anyone quite like him in my life. he's the big brother i never had and always wanted, even to this day when he technically isn't my "big brother." i don't get to see him everyday, but the days i do see him are some of my happiest. he's let me vent, he's sat with me in the library and study rooms while i did my homework, just to make sure i got it done, he's given me a shoulder to fall asleep on, he's stood up for me, he's paid for countless meals, he's bought be groceries when i didn't have money, he's given me rides when i had no idea where i was going, he's texted me just to tell me he misses me, he's laughed at all of my jokes, he's cheated for me because he knows i'm not good at sports and most games, he's always there for me and most of all, he's made me feel so loved. i can't lie and say he had nothing to do with me coming back up here... not everything to do with it, but a little bit :)

i've also found new friends in people who i knew last year but wasn't friends with. most of which are in kkpsi. it's amazing the love some of them have shown me. and i've had so many people tell me how happy they are that i came back... i never really got that when i came back to chandler, at least not to the extent i got it here. not that like... that's what i wanted or anything, it's just nice to hear people sincerely tell you that they love you and are happy i'm here... :)

i got on the subject of rushing for kkpsi again with jane. it's that time of year again and bids will be handed out in a few weeks. i'm not really sure if at this point i'm wanted to do it again for the people or for the actual fraternity. at this point, i know that i like the idea of brotherhood and service for the band, but i'm not sure what i'd be doing it for. and at this point i know that there's a ton of drama that goes on on the inside that i don't want to necessarily be a part of. but i know for most people that the drama is worth it. i also feel like i would be betraying the beta lambdas and tj. haha, i know they would rather me be in kkpsi than not, but i also feel like i don't want to be in another class and i don't want another big. both which would probably have to happen. i'm not going to think about until i get a bid (if i do get a bid). hopefully i'll do whatever is best for me.

anyways, i guess i said more than i thought in this post :) i guess i also have a few exciting things coming up. this weekend is the asu nau game and i'm the only cymbal who gets to go (woo section leader privileges :D). afterwards we have the asunau drumline party (pronounced by spencer as ass-you-now) in which i will be seeing devon and alan (hopefully... i invited them. haha). the next day i have auditions for mosaic indoor percussion! i'm not sure how i will do, but i'm hoping for a good outcome. haha, this is the first of two auditions, and i get to see a lot of old friends. and, it's at my old high school! so i get to stay at home maybe?! YES :D too bad monday isn't the day i have class at one :/ oh well!