this... is getting stressful.

i'm not sure why everything is piling up right now, but it's not getting better.

some guy was supposed to move in with us tomorrow, but instead found another place and wasn't really planning on telling us. now my roommate are back to square one, and i'm trying to figure out whether or not moving into a two bedroom would be worth it. either that or i could marry clinton, but... yeah. hahaha.

i also need to find another job. i need to make a ton of money to be able to afford rent, gas and drumline fees. and food i guess. i also need to have free time so i won't go crazy.

i wish something great would just fall into my lap. a new job opportunity, a new place to live, or someone who needs a place to live. new opportunities. just... new things, in general.

half of me is tempted to just move home and deal with the depression that comes along with it, all to save a few bucks. this semester hasn't even started and it's already not going the way i planned for it to go.

i wasn't supposed to do drumline, but it's too late to back out now. plus, i really don't want to back out. i wasn't supposed to be searching for a new roommate. i wasn't supposed to be struggling. i was supposed to be an active brother. taking collegiate band and a few classes at ccc.

gnkjsnhjsnthkjth.

i know i can't do everything i want to do all at the same time. something has to be sacrificed. all of this stress is just so much motivation for me to get the hell out of here and go to a better drumline. drumline seems to be what's making everything a mess. and honestly, i don't think this season will be worth it at all. the 't only perks are getting to go to world championships (which isn't even a guarantee yet) and getting to see devon and alan on a regular basis. and getting to perform i guess. haha, i love drumline, but this season is all about transitions, and me working on myself so i can get somewhere.

i guess the most perfect thing that could happen right now would be for my mom to move to flagstaff and let me live with her rent free. for mosaic to be based out of flagstaff so i wouldn't have to travel anywhere.

i'm really looking forward to a year from now. auditioning for an out of state drumline. if i make any of the ones i audition for, then i'll be gone. in a heart beat. i'll find a place to live that's super close to the rehearsal site. i'll work and it'll be awesome.

i've been contemplating where i want to be for the summer. i really do NOT want to go back to chandler, but it would be so nice not to have to worry about rent for a few months. i was thinking of possibly asking my dad if i can stay with him in prescott, but i think i would probably be miserable there too. i'd have to find a good job there and then i'd probably drive up to flagstaff a lot to see t.j. and other friends who are there.



ngkwjrnhtkjnth. i can't have it all. i just don't know what's most important to me right now.