Tuesday, February 22, 2011


my mom keeps telling me to finish bringing in all of my stuff from the garage. it's been a little over three weeks since i moved back she doesn't understand why i don't just move everything up to my room. it's just stuff right?

but i feel like the second i get everything into my room, that means it's real... i can't go back. and honestly, i know i can't go back, even now, with half of my stuff still in the garage. but for some reason, after three weeks, i still don't feel like i live here. it feels like summer break.

i finally got a job and i start tomorrow, bright and early in the morning at 8am. i'm sure this will solidify the whole feeling real thing, because i'll actually be doing something besides what i moved down here to do: drumline.

ahh drumline, it's supposed to be my favorite thing. and in the past, it was. when i would go to drumline all my worries about the rest of the world vanish. school didn't exist, rushing was put on hold. all i could do was focus on playing and marching. this season is different though, because i literally did put everything on hold to be involved in this drumline. i'm taking the semester off from school, i moved home to be closer, i quit the job that wasn't great, but that i liked, i left my new brothers and sisters, and some of the best friends i've ever had in my life. and for what? to go to drumline a few times a week and get completely frustrated with a line that i thought would be something great. i thought i would be challenging myself, working towards something. i thought i would look forward to going to rehearsals, and instead i look forward to the drive there with my friends from high school, aka the only people making this even remotely worth it. after every rehearsal i sit there and vent, mostly just to know that someone agrees with me and that i'm not just crazy. to know that everything i've ever learned about drumline isn't a sham, and that i'm not completely stupid.

i'm still trying to focus on the positives though. as hard as that is sometimes, i know that's the only thing that's going to get me through this season. i'm also focusing on my main goal, which is to get the hell out of arizona. i wish there was an amazing, established, and preferably world class group that i liked located in flagstaff so i could just live there forever, but there isn't. so, hopefully, i'll be out of here by the end of the year. i won't have to deal with the bullshit of another first year group located in the great state of arizona.


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