Friday, October 7, 2011

good things must come to end

i know that's an overused saying, but it's what i've been thinking about lately. i hate change, especially when i'm not ready for it. i think i hate it because something good is coming to a close, and i have to find something else that's good. and the fact that the future is so unknown scares me.

i don't want to move to california. i like what i have going on here too much. i like my job, my family, my situation. but i have to move. moving is what i've been preparing for for the entire year. i can't turn my back on my goal.

a few weeks ago i was having doubts about drumline. i kind of hoped going out to pulse would be awful and i would hate it so i could just live at home for a little longer. so things wouldn't have to change. but, to no surprise really, i went out to pulse auditions and absolutely loved it. i'm so close and it makes me so nervous, but being there and playing is like a dream, it's so surreal. i need to move to california, and i need to move out there now. at least in the next few weeks. this means getting a new job, a new apartment, a new roommate, a new life.

i had doubts because i wasn't sure if i was ready to leave. i still don't know if i am. maybe i'll never be ready. financially, i'm ready. physically, i'm almost ready. emotionally, i have no idea. i've lived in arizona for almost my whole life and hated it. this past year was different though, i grew to love arizona, especially chandler. going out to california has made me appreciate arizona even more.

i've been procrastinating on looking for a job and a place to live out there. for one, i'm waiting to see if i actually did for sure make the line, and then to see if my friend makes their open line. he won't know for two weeks, and i don't know if i can afford to wait that long to find a place... i need to find a job. i was hoping i could transfer to the one tropical smoothie they have out in southern california, but everyone tells me not to move to that city because i'll hate my life when i have to drive to drumline.

i might ask my grandparents if i can stay with them until i find a place to stay and a job. i'm sure they would say yes, i just don't know how living with them would be...

anyways. time to start talking about it and to start doing it, right? ughhh.

(i'm actually really really excited, this is just my scared rant about it... :P)

oh, also, i was going to write about how good things come to an end and how i've realized it or whatever so now i'm trying to live life to the fullest and appreciate everything while it's happening so that i have great memories to look back on when it's over.

yeah all that sappy stuff.

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