Thursday, February 2, 2012

"Just like the clouds floating by, they just come and go."

I realize this is kind of weird time to reflect on my life, but I don't really care. So here goes!

A year ago I had just moved home from Flagstaff. I won't go too much into detail about everything I learned and junk, but I feel like the year 2011 was a year of transformation and enlightenment. I moved home weighing... I don't even want to know how much. I made it my goal to become healthy and get in shape so I could make a world class drumline for the next season. I had no idea where to begin, and I honestly think that's the scariest part for most people. Being involved in a drumline I hated also made it really hard. Just as I was really getting serious during the weeks, we would go on a trip for drumline, and all I could afford was fast food. All of my progress during the weeks would be gone in a matter of 2 days and knowing that the drumline I was in wasn't even worth it made it even worse.

After the season ended (I honestly thought it never would) is when my progress really started to show. I lost 6 pounds in the first two weeks and was motivated more than ever to get healthy. All summer I went on like this, not being swayed by the junk food in my pantry or the fast food near work. I wasn't just on a diet, I was changing my life. I started running for the first time ever and realized it wasn't as bad as I always thought it was and that I actually had much better endurance than I thought I had.

I did have a few bad days in there, even a whole bad month when I lost most of my motivation. The realization that the drumline I was dead set on auditioning for was slightly out of reach and not really a smart idea really brought me down. I started distracting myself with things and I stopped working out as often. I'm not sure that I took any steps backwards necessarily, but I definitely wasn't stepping forward.

A few weeks before auditions I decided I would audition for Pulse. And to be honest, I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. On one hand, Pulse is amazing, the closest out of state drumline to home, and I thought I had a good chance. But on the other hand, it wasn't my dream drumline, so I felt conflicted. But about a week before auditions I somehow managed to get my motivation back, and I started feeling excited.

The day before, I was a complete wreck. I had no idea if I was making the right decision and I was scared shitless. I had no idea what to expect. But I got there, and I loved it. I had kind of a rocky start, but after three auditions, I was the last person to make the line.

And after that, everything became surreal. I couldn't believe I had accomplished one of my major life goals.

Every time I think I've learned all that I can learn from life, I'm always surprised by something new. And Pulse has definitely been something new. I thought I was done learning about cymbals and drumline. I thought there was nothing else a music program could teach me about life. But I was so wrong.

In the four months I've been in Pulse I've learned to appreciate what I have while I have it. I've learned that it's okay to express myself, and if people think I'm weird because of it, that's okay because in this drumline you stand out more for not performing than you do for over performing. I've learned so much more than this but to be honest, this isn't why I set out to write this blog...

About this time last year I weighed 174 pounds. My highest weight ever(that I know of since I'm not good about weighing myself daily). It's taken me a year, and it's been a slow process, and to be honest, I still feel like I have so far to go, but I've lost 21 pounds. This morning I weighed 153 and I couldn't be more proud of myself. In the past year I've learned how to be healthy and how to stay healthy. I still have my days where I feel like I could be doing so much more, but I'm happy with the progress I've made, and to be honest, I can't really believe I've made it this far. Thinking back to a year ago, I never thought I'd be where I am right now. Living in California, 20 pounds lighter, and a member of Pulse Percussion.

Our show this year is called "Coming and Going" and it couldn't be more appropriate for my life at any other moment besides this one. I've completely changed my life to be here, and at first, I was actually kind of sad. Sad to be leaving my friends, coworkers, and family behind in Arizona when I had finally learned to love where I was. Sad that the past 3 years have been me moving back and forth between Flagstaff and Chandler, constantly leaving someone behind. But now I was leaving everyone behind. I had to start over: new friends, new family, new drumline, new house, new everything. But that's just how life is. Things change, people move, and new chapters start. "The pictures of life come and go, none of it stays." This quote couldn't be more true.

This was so long and all over the place... oh well. That's pretty much my life right now.

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