Thursday, December 16, 2010


i always tend to post more when i have problems or things to sort out in my mind... hahaha. the start of this semester was SO good. i went to all of my classes, did all of my homework, read every chapter was the best start to a semester that i had ever had... and i'm not sure what happened.

now it's the end of the semester, although i was done going to school weeks ago, and i feel... dumb. not smart. like i have nothing going for me.

sure, now i have drumline and i have work and i have kkpsi, but i can't shake this feeling that i really miss being dedicated to high school and doing homework and feeling smart.

i also can't shake this feeling that if i do take another full schedule of classes next semester or any time soon, that i'll completely fail, just like this semester.

i don't want to take photography next semester, mainly because i got such high reviews in the class i was in, and then totally stopped going. the class i want to take is taught by the same teacher... and i guess i'm just afraid.

i miss being motivated to study. i miss actually taking classes that challenged me but also were interesting. i miss feeling smart. i miss preparing for tests and exams. i miss going to the library to actually study. i miss getting a's...

i swear i'm crazy...

next semester will be busy. i'll have to work constantly and be gone a lot for drumline. but i think i'm going to take a math class.


i hated my math class last semester, but it was all word problems and crap like that, which i haaate. but i remember, every time i went into the math building i felt... well i don't know, but i always really liked the math building. i remember walking around and seeing some of the posters on the wall and just thinking it was so cool.

so i'm going to slowly add some normal classes back into my life. hopefully this will not backfire on me... hopefully i'll learn to enjoy more studying time in the library, seeing as now i have friends/brothers to study with :D

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