kjerngkjn.

i write too much in this blog. haha, WHATEVS.

i feel like today is the first day i've actually made progress. even though i'm really not closer to having an apartment or a job yet... it took me until today to really figure out what i needed to do to come closer. i'm changing my schedule to get a job so i can pay for an apartment, i found the rooms & shares part of craigslist that shows people who have apartments and are looking for roommates. i emailed a few, some who are looking for one roommate and some who are looking for two. i really want to make it work with lucia (the roommate i'm trying to work with now...), but if worst comes to worst, i'll find someone else and help her find someone else too. i just emailed one girl with a ton of information about a room that's only $385 a month... which sounds really awesome to me. she posted the ad a few days ago, so hopefully she'll respond.

i feel like i have to get all of this squared away today other wise i won't have a place to live. rgkjesnht.

and now i'm looking for a three bedroom. spencer had a friend looking for a roommate, so i am now taking on another roommate! nrgkjen. i'm actually kind of excited because he's also doing marching band and he's not just some random person. but... i've called a few places and so far none of them have 3 bedrooms.

I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN. IWILL.IWILL.IWILL.

everything is falling... apart.

sooo... serngjksnht. i posted yesterday about how everything was falling in place. and now it's falling so terribly out of place.

i didn't get the job because i'm not available at the right times. i tried to switch around my schedule and now i have an online class and an 8:30 class. i thought i switched a different one... but i didn't so i also have a night class two nights a week and a mid afternoon class. so it doesn't help me AT ALL for the job because i need to be open 2-9pm on week days and i'm not. i thought i was opening that up, but it didn't at all. so now i'm trying to add a psychology class that's in the morning and take that instead of drawing 1 so that i only have one mid afternoon class on tuesdays and thursday and hopefully will be able to get a job for monday wednesday and friday. if not, at least i'll be available for other jobs.

now their website is taking freaking forever and no one at ccc will answer my calls and when they do they don't know how to help me. how hard is it to tell someone how to prove they have an ap credit from high school? i asked if i could just send in my high transcripts and she said yes, then i called back to see if i could do my nau transcripts because it says i have that credit on there. then she said oh wait, i miss informed you about the high school transcripts, you can't send those in, but you can send in your sat scores... no lady, i want to send you my nau transcripts. so then she transfers me and then that line doesn't answer... THIS ISN'T THAT HARD WHAT THE EFF.

now i'm looking for another apartment and i only have TWO WEEKS until band camp starts and i need to be living in flagstaff.

ejrngkjnhkjnrht.

i was about to go to bed when i decided to cut my bangs. haha, BUT, I LOVE THEM. they're pretty much what i've ALWAYS wanted from bangs. i've been working my way slowly towards by cutting little by little and tonight i just decided to go for it and take the extra inch off that i needed for them to be perfeeect. i never thought i could pull them off, and maybe i don't... but i don't care! haha. so then i wanted to take pictures and i decided i was bored of the effects i have on my photobooth. i downloaded a ton a long time ago, but i was bored with them. so i googled photobooth effects and found this!! i downloaded the q@mera and dotmatrix (free versions). i thought it wouldn't save the pictures (i found out it does, but in your finder so you have to search for them. haha), so i screen shotted them (and thought i was being super clever...). anyways. i took TONS of pictures and wanted to share :)

flagstaff :)

so... things are coming together! and i couldn't be more excited! well... i could be, and will be when things are done with! haha. i'm in the middle of applying to get an apartment and getting a job. i found an apartment that i like, but it's a bit more than i wanted to spend. but, it's not far from nau and it's pretty nice and my roommate is down for everything that's happening! i thought at first that she wasn't completely sure if she would be able to pay for things, but she totally is! i already sent in the application and now i just have to wait until morning to call and figure out how to pay for it. haha. so... i hope that goes through. on the job end, i applied to a lot of places, but one place i actually just gave a resume to. the girl working there told me to email the owner so i did. he responding telling me to call, and when i called he actually remembered me and asked me a few questions. i was trying to make it formal, but he made it very casual which was super nice. he told me to send him my school schedule so he can figure out if i'm available at the right times and told me he'd call me back by friday but if he doesn't to call him back. which sounds promising!

i figured out that to afford rent, utilities, food, gas, and a little bit of fun money, i need to work 32 hours a week making at least 8/hr. i'm not sure how much this job will pay if i get it... but that seems pretty reasonable... i'm trying to figure out a schedule that i'll have to stick to, which i know will probably be hard for me, but i HAVE to make this work.

i know my last post was super depressing, but it was hard for me to be in flagstaff and not have a place to call my own. i also have a really hard time asking people for help when i really need it. my friend austin offered probably 10 times to let me stay with him, and then when it came down to it, i had the hardest time asking him if i could. it ended up being me, him, tj and austin's roommate. we watched tv, played card games, and a game called cricket... not like, the sport cricket, but like, the freaking SCARIEST game of my life. it's kind of like intense hide and go seek. and... i pretty much hated it. even though in the end, it was pretty fun :)

i really had an amazing time this weekend, it was so motivating to just drive around and remember how much i love it there and to have so many people there that love me and would do anything for me. i ended up spending more time with my friends than looking for jobs and apartments, but it was worth it, because i feel like i actually did get things accomplished.

so i guess the next time i go up to flag, i'll be moving up there! i really hope everything with the job and the apartment go smoothly, because i need both! i feel like things are falling into place, but i really don't want to speak too soon...

anyways. I'M EXCITED. ekrjgnjhnt.

frustration.

i'm in flagstaff right now. it's probably been one of the most eventful trips up here... and most unproductive. haha. i came up here thinking that all of the apartments i wanted to look at would be open and... i was wrong. haha, i slept through my alarm on saturday and got a late start and didn't make it up here until most of them were closed. so i decided to stay until sunday and look because all of their websites said they were open sundays. WRONG. none of them were. i ended up driving around the entire city multiple times and not getting much done. i did apply to a grocery store (the first to give me an actual paper application) and i went to a few other places to see if they were hiring.

it's been really weird emotionally for me though. i love being back here and seeing everyone, but last night i didn't have a place to stay until 11:30 pm, and not it's 8:30 and i technically don't have a place to stay. my mom told me to stay because she can't afford to have me drive back and forth again. i hung out with a ton of people today and then we departed and i had absolutely nothing to do. right now i'm sitting in my car behind cline library using the wifi. and another car totally just pulled up next to me... creepy...

anyways. i feel pathetic because i feel like i'm intruding on people who have offered me a place to stay for the night and actually are encouraging me to stay. i'm waiting to go over to austin's because he's not there, even though i know he would probably get there in a second or invite me to do whatever he's doing now. but tj will be there after his rehearsal, so i said i'd wait. and now... yeah. i'm not sure what to do. i have 51 minutes left on my laptop, which really means about 30.

i feel... stressed. pathetic. frustrated. scared. happy. sad. bored.

everything. i know when tomorrow comes i need to act fast and get things done. but... i have a feeling i won't. i really wish someone would just be here to help me, but i guess that's what being an adult is about. i made the adult decision to move back here, and now i have to be an adult and find a way to make it happen. if only it were a tad easier...

my roommate is at camp. i think she's supposed to be back tomorrow, but it's so stressful because she's not moving here until october, which really isn't for sure because she's depending on her grandfather's house selling, which... might not happen. and i really can't afford to live on my own. at all. nor do i want to. because i'm a scaredy cat... haha.

anyways, i emailed someone else about possibly rooming together. i don't know if he'll say yes because he has another possible roommate.

rngkjnh. so yeah. my pathetic life. so awesome. i have friends and am too scared to ask them for things. GO ME! :(

i'll probably sit here for a bit longer before i go venturing off into unknown flagstaff land.

100th post.

100 days ago it was april 26. the last week of school before finals week, and i couldn't wait to be done with nau and go home. i wrote three blogs that day. the first one talking about this quote: "the clock is running. make the most of today. time waits for no man. yesterday is history. tomorrow is a mystery. today is a gift. that's why it is called the present." i wrote about how i wasn't living in the present, but in the future. my next blog that day was inspired by danielle's serendipitous saturdays and i wrote about all the things i loved at the moment. my last post of the day was a list of everything i wanted to do this summer. i pretty much didn't accomplish anything on my list... haha. anyways, since then i've learned a lot about life.

life doesn't happen to you, it happens from you. one of the biggest and most important lessons i've learned in the past 100 days. and really in my entire life. it's something my mom's boyfriend scott talked about and after thinking about it, i really couldn't agree more. i've gone through life hoping that things would be easy and hoping i could just wait for opportunities to present themselves to me. and so far, all that's gotten me... is nothing.

i've also learned a lot about what it means to be mature. i haven't learned this from just one person, but from many. i've learned that most people who say they're mature really aren't, and that the true meaning of maturity isn't just saying you are, but really showing it. maturity is knowing when you are in the fault, knowing how to take advice from other people, knowing when to just stop talking and knowing yourself well enough to be yourself no matter what. it takes maturity to really respect other people and to understand where other people come from and to know that you're not the only one in the world. it takes true maturity to really hear people for what they are saying. maturity is letting people in your life, letting them help you, and loving them for every part of them.

the value of a dollar. that's something i've really had to deal with over the past 100 days. because i haven't had any money the past 100 days. not being able to do something because i don't have money isn't something i want to deal with my whole life. i've gained so much respect for my mom and for everyone who saves their money in order to really enjoy things.

i'm learning to live for myself and not anyone else, but that helping people is really something i love. happiness is biggest thing i've learned to strive for.

i've learned to not judge, and if i have judged to be open minded that maybe things aren't exactly how they seem.

i've learned a lot, way more than i could ever write about in a blog.

100 days from now it will be november 12. in the next 100 days i will be moving to flagstaff, getting a job, starting school, and moving on with my life.

in 100 days i will be living my life. i will be living in the now. and i really hope i will be happy. i hope i learn as many lessons as i have in the past 100 days.

i have high hopes for the next 100 days.




haha, in my blog it says i only have 93 posts, but i have some that i've never finished and never posted. i still count them. DON'T BE FOOLED!! :)

sitting. waiting. wishing.

i can't wait for my life to... start. i feel like i'm at a stand still right now. waiting for things to start.

how am i suppose to live in the now when now i have nothing? i mean, i don't have nothing, but i don't have what i want. i'm stuck here until i can move to flagstaff and i don't know what to do. i have nothing to do. my mom just got a job, so i spend my days alone. yesterday i paper mached, which was pretty fun, but today i sat here. i sat here and did nothing.

i have high hopes for my future. i just can't wait for it to finally START.