"if you want to sound wise, go to school. if you want to be wise, go to nature."

i've been reflecting a lot these past few days on how my year was. i wrote an entry about 2010 and everything i learned. i never posted it because i never finished writing it. it was hard for me to finish writing about how much i learned because i kept thinking of new things.

that last thing i wrote it that post was, "i think overall, i just... grew. i grew as a person." when i think back to this time last year, i was pretty happy. and even though i thought i had grown so much and was such a happy person, the beginning of 2010 was just the beginning of a journey. a journey of self discovery, learning, and love. i've never learned so much about life, myself and love before 2010.

i learned mostly that the best learning doesn't necessarily happen inside of a classroom. i've been in college for three semesters now. the first semester was actually really great. i went to all of my classes, got all a's and one b and did all of my homework. second semester started on the note, but i took on too many activities and learned that i needed to slow down. i passed all of my classes, but got b's, c's, and d's. third semester i took on... probably as many activities as second semester. i learned that sometimes you have to drops things you don't want to drop, but third semester i dropped something different... i ended up failing three out of the four of my classes. i got a c in photography even though i didn't even go to the last month or so of class. i learned what it feels like to be disappointed in myself.

i think the biggest thing i've learned though, can be summed up in this quote, "if you want to sound wise, go to school. if you want to be wise, go to nature." it's from a movie called "southbounders," which was actually pretty good if you want to watch it :D anyways, i don't necessarily want to "go to nature," but i think that school doesn't make you smart. sure, it helps you get a job once you graduate, it makes you look better to people who think school makes you look better... but it doesn't really mean anything...

my future has been on my mind a lot though. my 20 before 20 list has been running through my mind too. i don't think i'll accomplish everything on my list, but as of now i'm okay with it. i didn't really set truly realistic goals for myself, and since i wrote it, my priorities have changed.

so, for 2011, i have some goals in mind. mostly to march as much as possible, to get into better shape, to work a lot, and to continue on my journey of discovery. i want to keep learning. i want to keep loving.

who knows, maybe someday i'll turn to nature. it seems so nice to be able to just hike all day. i'm not a fan of peeing anywhere that's not a toilet, so it might not be such a great idea... hahahaha.

mosaic.

yesterday i had my first day with mosaic independent percussion. it was a good day, despite a few things that i found either unfair or just awkward. i feel really old compared to my section, mostly from experience, not age. i've been playing for a lot longer than any of them... and even though i'm really good and have that experience it kind of feels like none of them really give me that credit. it was really good motivation to get out of this state though. really good motivation to audition for mcm next season...

i'm really hoping dayton is worth it. i've heard it is, so i'm hoping on that.

someone is coming to look at my house today, hopefully he isn't super creepy and will move in with us. now i just need to find a new job and i'll be set.

i love when things just fall into place :)

i must say that the worst part of drumline is the location. i missed being home... but now that i'm here all i want to do is take my family, devon and alan and go back to flag...

spring2011.

i always tend to post more when i have problems or things to sort out in my mind... hahaha. the start of this semester was SO good. i went to all of my classes, did all of my homework, read every chapter assigned.it was the best start to a semester that i had ever had... and i'm not sure what happened.

now it's the end of the semester, although i was done going to school weeks ago, and i feel... dumb. not smart. like i have nothing going for me.

sure, now i have drumline and i have work and i have kkpsi, but i can't shake this feeling that i really miss being dedicated to high school and doing homework and feeling smart.

i also can't shake this feeling that if i do take another full schedule of classes next semester or any time soon, that i'll completely fail, just like this semester.

i don't want to take photography next semester, mainly because i got such high reviews in the class i was in, and then totally stopped going. the class i want to take is taught by the same teacher... and i guess i'm just afraid.

i miss being motivated to study. i miss actually taking classes that challenged me but also were interesting. i miss feeling smart. i miss preparing for tests and exams. i miss going to the library to actually study. i miss getting a's...

i swear i'm crazy...

next semester will be busy. i'll have to work constantly and be gone a lot for drumline. but i think i'm going to take a math class.

HOHMYGOSH A MATH CLASS.

i hated my math class last semester, but it was all word problems and crap like that, which i haaate. but i remember, every time i went into the math building i felt... well i don't know, but i always really liked the math building. i remember walking around and seeing some of the posters on the wall and just thinking it was so cool.

so i'm going to slowly add some normal classes back into my life. hopefully this will not backfire on me... hopefully i'll learn to enjoy more studying time in the library, seeing as now i have friends/brothers to study with :D

pros/cons.

i've been thinking a lot about drumline. it's still a possibility, and i totally want it to be. i've been leaning towards mosaic for many reasons, one being that i will get to go to world championships, something i've always wanted.

i figured out that i'll need to double the amount of money i make per week in order to pay for everything. i'm contemplating asking around for sponsorships or selling things. i have a flute i need to sell, and possibly my piccolo... not sure if i want to sell my piccolo, but it's a possibility.

i just can't get it out of my head. i don't want to take a season off... i don't think i can handle it.

i still need a roommate.

new happenings.

ahhh, life. it's happening, and it's preventing me from posted about it. it's almost the end of the semester and i can say that i'm happy with the way most of it has gone. the little bit that i'm not happy about: school. i pretty much stopped going. i haven't even been on ccc's campus in like, three weeks. i know this is bad, but i don't see the point in going other than to feel like i'm not wasting money. here's to next semester i guess!

i have about three more days of my rush process for kkpsi. every time i think about it i get butterflies. i can't help but think about how much i've really loved my process. i've been wondering how things will change and whether or not i'm ready for it. i've been a pm for so long that i feel like i'll forget that i'm a brother (if i go through that is...). i've grown so much this semester and i'm so happy that i've finally made it through my process. at the beginning of my process i think i just wanted to get through it. but as i started interviewing people, and interviewing people i hadn't interviewed before, and putting on things like our social, fundraiser and service project, i started to realize how much i really needed last semester and this semester. i'm a different person. i can handle more. i've grown. it took talking to someone i wasn't really close with and someone who brothers told me wouldn't be a great interview to help me realize how much i've really grown throughout my entire process. i'm so grateful either way, whether i get a bid to third or not (but i better... just saying). i'm not sure where i would be if i hadn't rushed.

ummm besides that, i need a new roommate. i almost got married. i need a new job. i hate driving in snow. and yeah.

just kidding about the married part. it was a joke...

but totally, i almost did ;)

plans.

shkjtrhnr.

motivation to finish my rush process for kkpsi = 329580368237659584%

motivation for school = -209348594386%

i honestly think my motivation for school would be the same whether or not i decided to rush again.

i read this post and felt like i finally had someone who believed the same as me about school.

i love photography, it's what i want to do. not only do i love it, but i'm good at it. it's the one thing that just comes naturally to me. i know i need to take more photography classes, which i will, but i don't see the need for a degree. i really don't. photography might be the one profession where your portfolio gets you hired, not your degree. and school just seems to be a big waste of time. so next semester for me is a photography class, a noncredit class about documentary making, and maybe some other noncredit classes through ccc. maybe not. more work time, more money, and more photography. i'm going to be applying to different photography studios and hopefully starting from the bottom to make my way up to the top. don't get me wrong, i actually don't mind working at burger king. i get cheap food and most of the people are pretty awesome, but i've gained a few pounds and i'm NOT okay with that. and my hours are getting cut and one of my roommates wants to move out. i need more money.

so yeah. that's the plan for me. less school, more work (hopefully as a photographer or for a photographer), healthier eating and more fun.

not that this semester isn't fun. i love it :) just not the school part...

i can't find my art book, so i'm not going to art for the third time in a row.

is that bad?

school sucks right now.